Fashion Designers
Vivienne Westwood
Alexander McQueen
Coco Channel
Karl Lagerfield
Christian Dior
John Galliano
Jimmy Choo
Christian Louboutin
Manolo Blahnik
British High Street
American Apparel
Uniqlo
Clarkes
Laura Ashley
Dune
Cath Kidston
Oasis
River Island
These are a few of my favourite things
Reading
Harajuku Lovers Perfume
Films
Victoria’s Secrets Scents
Afternoon Tea
Laduree Chestnut/ Pistachio Macaroons
Organic Peppermint Tea
Rush Hair Salons
Cupcakes
Phantom Of The Opera
Whoopie Cakes
Miss Saigon
Vintage Dress Patterns
Paper Crafting
Melt’s Blackberry Cinnamon Chocolate
David Aston Roses
“Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your reputation; for t’is better to be alone than in bad company.”
George Washington
Yesterday I was stood up for the first time ever.
First. Time. Ever.
EVER!
By a stupid American guy!
Considering I’m 25, I could choose to take it as compliment. But the fact that it’s happened at all? I actually can’t take.
Now I’m the first to admit I think all human beings are made up of a majority pride and ego. And I think your pride will allow either you to admit it or not. And my pride is f*#king smarting right now.
Here I am, all thinking Mr.America was all into me. And apparently I was wrong. I mean... I am one kickass superfox! Just ask my favourite self help book: It’s Called A Break Up Because It’s Broken.
Note: Read it, it’s hilarious.
Only one process is acceptable in these instances.
The Early Withdrawal Method. (Get your mind out of the f*#king gutter.)
Step 1: Take a step back and analyse yourself. If you have issues doing this, get a friend [the blunter and bitchier the better] to do it for you. In my case I have my Co’d: She-ra the Great- who brought me back to reality from self-pityville with a rather painful bump.
It sounds something like this:
She-ra the Great: “OK, I get that you like this guy. He seemed genuinely nice. He’s relatively good looking. Did that mean you had to get all emotionally invested in the first guy who was nice to you?”
The Kool Aid Kid: “I wasn’t that into him StG. He was just. Nice.”
StG: “Is that why you’ve known him for 2 weeks and lately he’s all we seem to talk about?”
tKAK: “That’s not true... It’s just that I lead a really boring life. I have nothing else to talk about right now...”
StG: “That's b*llsh*t. You work full time; have an independent clothing label; your own house and two young children. 2 weeks dude... And you’ve centred your whole life around him already. Surely your self esteem can’t be that low?!” *scoffs in disbelief for painful emphasis*
tKAK: “You’re wrong, you spiteful bitch! Me and him? We have a lot in common! We could be soul mates!”
StG: “He’s going back to America in 6 weeks.”
tKAK: “Oh shit. I forgot about that.”
Just like a BandAid ladies. Swift, stings like a mutha and over with quickly.
Just like that- the wound is exposed.
But like all boo-boos, you need to let the air get to it, in order for it to heal.
Step 2: Go back to basics. Talk to no men for a least two weeks. Talk to your girlfriends. A lot. Unless you're bisexual- if you are; avoid those kinda girlfriends at all costs too. It’s time to take stock.
Step 3: The realisation. It may sound something like this
*In the Kool Aid Kid's head*: “Oh sh*t StG was totally right. Of course she had my best interests at heart. She’s my ‘Ride or Die’ B*tch.”
Quite possibly said without the side order of ‘ghetto’.
Step 4: Apologise for getting vexed at your Co’d. She was right.
She knows it. You know it. So does anyone who had to listen to you whine.
Your girl's a b*tch. That’s what attracted you to her in the first place.
Step 5: Dip your toes back in the dating pool. Like any self respecting boxer, it’s time to get back in the ring for the next round... Somebody has to win at some point. Right?!
Meet guys. Talk to guys. Flirt with guys. But keep it clean; no one likes a c*ck-tease.
Step 6: Proceed with caution. Practise the Early Withdrawal Method. Keep him on his toes. Your desired man wants to have the opportunity to win you round. And in order to win you round, you have to have your back to him.
In other words, give him the opportunity to come to you. Not the other way round.
And for those of you who are thick. A simple breakdown:
1. Do not reply to every email, instant message, facebook correspondence, text, bbm, phone call or text immediately. Give him a chance to wonder what you are doing. (The sh*t thing about technology is that you have so many ways to get at a person, women deem it inexcusable if they do not get an immediate reply. Word to the wise? MEN DO NOT THINK THIS LIKE THIS.)
2. Do not apologise or offer any form of explanation. Example: “Sorry I didn’t call you back straightaway there was a crisis in the frozen food section/ accessories department/ tanning booths.” He doesn’t care. He wants to imagine something mysterious and fun. Like Joey in Friends.
3. NEVER seem too available. Repeat after me: “I’m sorry, that's not a good day for me.” Refer back to point 2.
4. Then offer him a choice of dates that are good for you. “I can’t do Wednesday. I can do Saturday evening or next Thursday. If that's not good for you, it’ll have to be sometime the week after.” The point is to actually be busy. He wants to feel special for slotting into your [this busy and successful woman’s] life. Refer back to point 2.
Should you deviate at all from step 6, IMMEDIATELY go back to step 1. This is not a flow chart process, it is cyclical.
Whether you practise the early withdrawal method or not, never forget that men follow this cycle- they just don’t think about it. Women on the other hand: over think it.
Appendix 1
Your close/best girlfriend is not jealous of you. She doesn’t want to hurt you. Nor is she secretly in love with you.
The fact is; bluntness hurts because it gets us where we are most vulnerable: our egos. I don’t know you- but for some reason I am trying to help you too. Frankly if you don’t like what I have to say I don’t give a sh*t. But let me offer you some really good free advice: Get. Over. It.
There it is. Take it or leave it.
If you ask for advice, help and opinions, my dear, that’s what you're gonna get. And if you frequently don’t listen to that advice, help or opinion... that friend won’t be a shoulder to cry on or even a phone call away.
The point is your friend is trying to help you. That's why you went to her in the first place- to get her to offer you some perspective. And because she is not overly invested like you, clouded by some fairytale you’ve concocted in your head, she can call it for what it is: You are acting like a douche.
So is he. But your friend doesn’t know him and by extension doesn’t really care if he’s acting like a douche. That's what men/ women/ animals (delete as appropriate) do.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
XOXO The Kool Aid Kid
Bessie Braddock: “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more, you’re disgustingly drunk.”
Winston Churchill: “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more you’re disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.”
Several things:
1. It is my sister C’s birthday.
2. It is my Aunt L’s birthday.
3. It is my Uncle J’s birthday.
4. I have a hangover.
I have a family dinner in 3 hours and have had 2 and a half hours sleep.
Ouch.
Pray for me.
XOXO The Kool Aid Kid
“We are all lunatics, but he who analyses his delusion is called a philosopher.”
Ambrose Bierce
Warning: long.
But such a good insight it’s unreal!
She-ra the Great: Close your eyes and empty your mind. I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I want you to visual and describe what I ask you. You are walking through a forest... describe it to me.
The Kool Aid Kid: It’s so beautiful here... everything seems so green! The trees are huge, they must be very old and they reach up to the sky. I can see a perfectly blue sky and the rays of the sun are streaming the foliage, creating a soft dappled light in a thick forest, it’s really warm- a summer afternoon. There’s knee length grass here with lots of wild flowers that are really brightly coloured and there’s loads of butterflies flying through them. I can hear birds chirping and they occasionally fly in my line of sight. It seems a little cartoonish, very Disney; friendly somehow- what’s that about? It’s, really bright, the colours seem saturated somehow. And I can hear moving water in the distance.
StG: Do you see a path?
tKAK: No, but that’s ok, I’m happy to just walk through the grass and around the trees.
StG: In this forest, you come across a key... Describe it to me.
tKAK: It’s really beautiful. Big and silver; ornate with filigree- it looks valuable. It reminds me of a key that has a past or a secret, like it would open the door to the secret garden, something an archaeologist would have dug up and found because it looks very old. It’s not rusty or dirty considering it’s been on the forest floor.
StG: Do you pick it up?
tKAK: Of course. I put it in my pocket.
StG: You now come across a coin... describe it to me.
tKAK: It somehow looks like it belongs with the key. It’s big and bronze - it looks old and valuable.
StG: Do you pick it up?
tKAK: I put it in the pocket with the key.
StG: You now come across a cup... describe it to me
tKAK: It reminds me of the cups in my tarot cards. It’s big and made of gold. Inlaid with precious jewels and embossed with ornate patterns.
StG: Is there anything in the cup?
tKAK: Yes, it’s full of water: really pure, reflective.
StG: Do you drink the water?
tKAK: Yes. It’s really refreshing and makes me feel renewed. You know what? I think I’m going to keep hold of the cup to!
StG: Ok. You walk for a while, then come across a body of water... describe it to me.
tKAK: It’s the babbling brook I heard before! The water is really clear. There are plenty of fish and green, blue and purple pebbles in the floor of the brook.
StG: Do you swim in the water? Walk though it? Tell me what you do.
tKAK: It’s such a beautiful day, I take my socks off, roll up my jeans, sit on the edge of the brook and dip my legs in. It feels really good- it’s refreshing in the heat of the afternoon.
StG: Do you want to stay in the water?
tKAK: No. It’s been nice, but I can walk away from it. I’ll walk alongside it.
StG: Ok, now you come to a wall... describe it to me.
tKAK: It’s pretty. Old red brick and covered in ivy. It’s not that high, probably climbable, I can see the sun behind it and the forest to either side and beyond it.
StG: Does the wall seem scary to you?
tKAK: Not at all. Something about it feels familiar.
StG: Do you climb the wall?
tKAK: Actually... I part the ivy and find a huge studded oak door behind it. I take the key out of my pocket and use it to open the door. There is more forest beyond the wall... so I just keep on walking.
StG: You see a wild animal... what is it?
tKAK: It’s a red squirrel.
StG: Ok... What do you do with it?
tKAK: I give it a nut and continue on with my walk, I don’t think I should attempt to touch it.
StG: You’re leaving the forest now. What do you see through the trees?
tKAK: I see a beach! The sky’s moving toward sunset. I see my mum and the kids and my closest friends, a bonfire and hammocks- there’s a barbeque!
StG: how do you feel right now?
tKAK: Truly? At peace. It’s a nice feeling...
StG: What are you going to do now?
tKAK: I’m going to join my family... And eat!
My Co’d’s analysis:
The forest represents how you see your life, it’s a beautiful, warm and welcoming place for you. It’s a fairytale place... a place where dreams can come true. Somewhere you feel safe and comfortable. It’s colourful, bright and friendly; you have a positive vibe and a positive outlook, you question it because life fills you with intrigue. I like the fact you mentioned the trees were old. This means that history is important to you, in life your history shapes who you are. The trees that guard the forest are old, which indicates that you have learnt from lessons that life has taught you. The fact you hear birds, indicates what a musical person you are Ms.BF! Life has to have rhythm and we both know you move to the beat of your own drum... So does your forest!
The fact you don’t see a path means you don’t have a clear cut path for yourself in life. You’re happy you stroll and take the scenic route and experience the things as you pass them by.
The key represents how you feel about knowledge (and by extension education). You PICK the key up and it looks valuable to you... knowledge obviously means a lot to you dude.
The coin represents how you feel about wealth. You say it somehow matches the key and pick it up putting both coin and key in the same pocket. They both seem to be valuable and significant to you. This indicates that you feel that wealth and knowledge are linked to one another and that you value them equally.
The cup represents your religion. You had a BIG CUP so this means you are extremely spiritual. You mentioned your tarot cards and your faith is interlinked to your spirituality... and your cards- you use them all the time. It is extremely valuable to you. Its precious and you chose to keep it with you after you drink from it.
What is inside the cup represents your spirituality itself. Not only did you say that the cup was full, it was full of pure clean water and you drank it all! Your faith is clear to you and you are a very very spiritual person and have deep beliefs in the practise you follow.
The water... represents your... sexuality, sexual desires and urges... you heard water before I even mentioned it! This means you are a sexual being and that sex plays a part of your everyday life making it beautiful and rhythmic. The fact you dipped your feet in means you find sex playful and like to immerse yourself in it- but not too deeply...It wasn’t a huge body of water and you separated yourself from it easily enough –which indicates it isn’t the ‘be all and end of’ for you- but you chose to stay near it which means you like sex as an evident constant in your life. What juxtaposition!
The wall represents how you feel about death. You describe it as beautiful, full of nature and that you see above and beyond it. This suggests that you believe in life after death, it also implies that you feel like it’s natural. The fact the key unlocked the hidden door suggests that you feel that knowledge unlocks door to your afterlife. You weren’t scared and walked straight into another forest- or another life.
The wild animal represents how you feel about your problems and you picked a SQUIRREL! This suggests you find your problems insignificant. You fed it a nut which means you acknowledge your problems- you fed it but didn’t overindulge it, you acknowledge your problems but you don’t dwell. You weren’t scared or threatened- you walked away from it easily.
The scene through the trees was what you wish for the future. You want to be at peace, relaxed, surrounded by family, friends and food, what better place to be?!
A complete waste of time? Oh well. You read it.
XOXO The Kool Aid Kid
Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens...
...These are a few of my favourite things
Films
Dogma
CryBaby
Teen Witch
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
The Matrix
Smoking Aces
Hairspray (John Walters)
Gladiator
William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet
True Romance
Fight Club
A Bittersweet Life
Death Proof
Cruel Intentions
Lost In Translation
The Never Ending Story
Unleashed
Scarface (Al Pacino)
Man On Fire
Stardust
Hero
Chocolat
House Of Flying Daggers
Moulin Rouge
Devils Advocate
Lady Vengeance
Chicago
Broken Flowers
Secretary
Labyrinth
Goodfellas
