The Kool Aid Kid... And her glitter fixation

I swear to you all... Heaven will be full of sparkles...

Until we get there....

Shoegasm fix.

Thank you Mr Louboutin!


XOXO


The Kool Aid Kid

The Kool Aid Kid's Valentino Shoe Crush

Soooo pretty!!!!

So.... I'm disgustingly brass....

Keep the dream alive!!


xoxo 


The Kool Aid Kid

She-ra the Great says... Don’t chat to me if:

Don’t chat to me if:

• You wear Ed Hardy or Christian Audigier.


• You promote ‘Top’ London Nightclubs full of z-lister’s and girls who get paid for sex.


• You pretend you're rich... by going to ‘Top’ London Nightclubs full of z-lister’s and girls who get paid for sex.


• You actively encourage chicks to dress like whores... Then criticise them for it later.


• Your idea of Hip Hop is Nelly, 50Cent or Twista. In fact, please kill yourself if this is the case.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne you didn’t buy.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne and the bottle is empty.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne that you had to share with 50 other heads... The whole night.


• You can’t speak, spell, read or write the English language.


• You don’t read.


• You don’t have a job


• You don’t have a legal job.


• You did a BTEC. (Sorry, but no.)


• You fancy Cheryl Cole.


• You attempt to look like (or want to be) Cheryl Cole.


• You have photos of your ‘crew’ and you are above the age of 21.


• You think you're an ‘MC’ or ‘Rapper’ and you haven’t broken into the industry... And you're over the age of 30... Or nearing it.


• Your idea of a film is ‘The Fast and the Furious’.


• You rent cars and pretend they belong to you.


• You rent cars and pretend they belong to you... By posting pictures of you and the car on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace. (Delete as appropriate.)


• You don’t like Big Pun.


• You don’t know who Big Pun is.


• You and your friends go out in matching outfits.


• You have 300 hundred contacts on your BBM (Please refer to ‘It’s not that season’ for a more accurate analogy.)


• You go to ‘City Raves’ on a weekly basis.


• You don’t go to the gym.


• You have baby-momma [or mummy] issues.


• You get elaborate shape-up... with patterns and shit... stop it right now.


• You think Lyle and Scott is ok. I assure you, it’s not.


• You go to Ayia Napa on the regs. (Again refer to ‘It’s not that season’)


• You think Nandos is an appropriate first date location.


• You think your house is an appropriate first date location.

Ms.BF’s word: Don’t chat to me if... You think reality TV is entertaining in a non-ironic way.

LADIES: Keep this list easily accessible at all times and NEVER stray or be tempted to make an exception.

That is all.

She-ra the Great.

The Kool Aid Kid Contemplates: What Girls Are Made Of

I came across this poem on 1kwords’ deviantART profile and wanted to share it with you all.

Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.

Spiders and lice and wee little mice, that’s what little girls are made of.

Alabaster skin and emerald eyes and ruby red lips to hide all her lies, that's what little girls are made of.

A forked silver tongue and a head full of bats, pierced dimpled cheeks and claws like a cat, that's what little girls are made of.

Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.

False promises and lies made through half open eyes, with angelic eyes and feminine wiles, that’s what little girls are made of.

An appetite for money and a c*#t made of honey, that’s what little girls are made of.

Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of,

And deceit and pain and betrayal for gain, that’s what little girls are made of...

I can admit that women can be c*#ts. Can you?

XOXO The Kool Aid Kid

The Kool Aid Kid Practises: The Early Withdrawal Method

“Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your reputation; for t’is better to be alone than in bad company.”

George Washington

Yesterday I was stood up for the first time ever.

First. Time. Ever.

EVER!

By a stupid American guy!

Considering I’m 25, I could choose to take it as compliment. But the fact that it’s happened at all? I actually can’t take.

Now I’m the first to admit I think all human beings are made up of a majority pride and ego. And I think your pride will allow either you to admit it or not. And my pride is f*#king smarting right now.

Here I am, all thinking Mr.America was all into me. And apparently I was wrong. I mean... I am one kickass superfox! Just ask my favourite self help book: It’s Called A Break Up Because It’s Broken.

Note: Read it, it’s hilarious.

Only one process is acceptable in these instances.

The Early Withdrawal Method. (Get your mind out of the f*#king gutter.)

Step 1: Take a step back and analyse yourself. If you have issues doing this, get a friend [the blunter and bitchier the better] to do it for you. In my case I have my Co’d: She-ra the Great- who brought me back to reality from self-pityville with a rather painful bump.

It sounds something like this:

She-ra the Great: “OK, I get that you like this guy. He seemed genuinely nice. He’s relatively good looking. Did that mean you had to get all emotionally invested in the first guy who was nice to you?”

The Kool Aid Kid: “I wasn’t that into him StG. He was just. Nice.”

StG: “Is that why you’ve known him for 2 weeks and lately he’s all we seem to talk about?”

tKAK: “That’s not true... It’s just that I lead a really boring life. I have nothing else to talk about right now...”

StG: “That's b*llsh*t. You work full time; have an independent clothing label; your own house and two young children. 2 weeks dude... And you’ve centred your whole life around him already. Surely your self esteem can’t be that low?!” *scoffs in disbelief for painful emphasis*

tKAK: “You’re wrong, you spiteful bitch! Me and him? We have a lot in common! We could be soul mates!”

StG: “He’s going back to America in 6 weeks.”

tKAK: “Oh shit. I forgot about that.”

Just like a BandAid ladies. Swift, stings like a mutha and over with quickly.

Just like that- the wound is exposed.

But like all boo-boos, you need to let the air get to it, in order for it to heal.

Step 2: Go back to basics. Talk to no men for a least two weeks. Talk to your girlfriends. A lot. Unless you're bisexual- if you are; avoid those kinda girlfriends at all costs too. It’s time to take stock.

Step 3: The realisation. It may sound something like this

*In the Kool Aid Kid's head*: “Oh sh*t StG was totally right. Of course she had my best interests at heart. She’s my ‘Ride or Die’ B*tch.”

Quite possibly said without the side order of ‘ghetto’.

Step 4: Apologise for getting vexed at your Co’d. She was right.

She knows it. You know it. So does anyone who had to listen to you whine.

Your girl's a b*tch. That’s what attracted you to her in the first place.

Step 5: Dip your toes back in the dating pool. Like any self respecting boxer, it’s time to get back in the ring for the next round... Somebody has to win at some point. Right?!

Meet guys. Talk to guys. Flirt with guys. But keep it clean; no one likes a c*ck-tease.

Step 6: Proceed with caution. Practise the Early Withdrawal Method. Keep him on his toes. Your desired man wants to have the opportunity to win you round. And in order to win you round, you have to have your back to him.

In other words, give him the opportunity to come to you. Not the other way round.

And for those of you who are thick. A simple breakdown:

1. Do not reply to every email, instant message, facebook correspondence, text, bbm, phone call or text immediately. Give him a chance to wonder what you are doing. (The sh*t thing about technology is that you have so many ways to get at a person, women deem it inexcusable if they do not get an immediate reply. Word to the wise? MEN DO NOT THINK THIS LIKE THIS.)

2. Do not apologise or offer any form of explanation. Example: “Sorry I didn’t call you back straightaway there was a crisis in the frozen food section/ accessories department/ tanning booths.” He doesn’t care. He wants to imagine something mysterious and fun. Like Joey in Friends.

3. NEVER seem too available. Repeat after me: “I’m sorry, that's not a good day for me.” Refer back to point 2.

4. Then offer him a choice of dates that are good for you. “I can’t do Wednesday. I can do Saturday evening or next Thursday. If that's not good for you, it’ll have to be sometime the week after.” The point is to actually be busy. He wants to feel special for slotting into your [this busy and successful woman’s] life. Refer back to point 2.

Should you deviate at all from step 6, IMMEDIATELY go back to step 1. This is not a flow chart process, it is cyclical.

Whether you practise the early withdrawal method or not, never forget that men follow this cycle- they just don’t think about it. Women on the other hand: over think it.

Appendix 1

Your close/best girlfriend is not jealous of you. She doesn’t want to hurt you. Nor is she secretly in love with you.

The fact is; bluntness hurts because it gets us where we are most vulnerable: our egos. I don’t know you- but for some reason I am trying to help you too. Frankly if you don’t like what I have to say I don’t give a sh*t. But let me offer you some really good free advice: Get. Over. It.

There it is. Take it or leave it.

If you ask for advice, help and opinions, my dear, that’s what you're gonna get. And if you frequently don’t listen to that advice, help or opinion... that friend won’t be a shoulder to cry on or even a phone call away.

The point is your friend is trying to help you. That's why you went to her in the first place- to get her to offer you some perspective. And because she is not overly invested like you, clouded by some fairytale you’ve concocted in your head, she can call it for what it is: You are acting like a douche.

So is he. But your friend doesn’t know him and by extension doesn’t really care if he’s acting like a douche. That's what men/ women/ animals (delete as appropriate) do.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

XOXO The Kool Aid Kid

The Kool Aid Kid LOVES studded Louboutin shoes!

Hey all...

Just so you can shoegasm with me!

These uber feminine heels with a touch of rough really works for me...

Honestly? Who doesn't love a Louboutin heel?!?!

I'm really appreciating how these are being worn with extremely feminine, girly dresses

Or being rocked with seriously edgy leather skinnies and wet look leggings.

Loving Christina's ( a favourite style icon of mine- after the dirrty album) and Keri Hilson's look right now!

Enjoy beautiful people!!!


xoxo


The Kool Aid Kid

She-ra the Great says...

It's not that season:

• 
  
  If you wear Ed Hardy or Christian Audigier.


• If you talk about getting shot.


• If you take pictures with a butters girl, post them on MSN/ BBM/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) to get back at your ex.


• If your status updates are more over share than Kerry Katona on a ‘bad’ day. Or Jordan on a ‘good’ day.


• If you insist on being topless... when the gym has yet to take effect.


• If you're illiterate.


• If you pretend your rich.


• If you're a man who is a bitch.


• If you do trigger fingers in clubs. (Word to the wise? Worse that peace signs)


• If you're obsessed with your ‘whip’- grow a dick.


• If you chat about how many women you’ve shagged on MSN/ BBM/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace. (Delete as appropriate) You're a wasteman.


• If you're a wasteman.


• If you still live with your mum. You're 30. And make a point of publicising it.


• If you use American slang.


• If you use American slang and you're from the British suburbs.


• If you're from the suburbs and you think your ‘hood’.


• If you add girls you don’t know on MSN/ BBM/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace. (Delete as appropriate)


• If you use MSN/ BBM/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace. (Delete as appropriate) to stalk girls.


• If you're a psychopath.


• If you're too bitter for my liking.


• If you take pictures with your rented car.


• If you take pictures of yourself.


• If you take pictures of yourself alone.


• If you take pictures of yourself in mirrors. Alone.


• If you take pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror. Alone.


• If you thread or wax your eyebrows.


• If you wear a medallion and stunners.


• If you use the phrases ‘still’ and ‘real talk’ at the beginning and end of every sentence.


• If you take pictures of all money and post it on MSN/ BBM/ Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace. (Delete as appropriate)


• You try to ‘Mac’ at the bus stop.


• If you ask girls ‘are you gonna bang doe’ or ‘079 me?’


• If you wear a rosary and embellished belt with your ‘tag’ or ‘road’ name


• If you use ‘swagga’ to describe yourself.

Ms.BF’s word: It’s not that season if... you PDA vomit on Facebook/ Twitter/ BBM/ MSN/ Myspace. (Delete as appropriate)

Picture this pathetic scene: If you are in Ayia Napa, wearing Ed Hardy jeans, stunner shades, a medallion, Gucci or Prada Trainers on your feet next to your best friend in his best Lyle and Scott shirt, blaring ‘Are you gonna bang doe’ from your rented car while taking pictures of you and your best friend sitting on the hood, holding shit loads of fake £20 notes that you're going to post on Facebook/ Twitter/ BBM/ MSN/ Myspace (Delete as appropriate)as evidence.

It. Is. REALLY. Not. That. Season.

That is all.

She-re the Great.

The one which... I kickstart the blog

"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up."

Mae West



Wise words


XOXO The Kool Aid Kid