She-ra the Great says... Don’t chat to me if:

Don’t chat to me if:

• You wear Ed Hardy or Christian Audigier.


• You promote ‘Top’ London Nightclubs full of z-lister’s and girls who get paid for sex.


• You pretend you're rich... by going to ‘Top’ London Nightclubs full of z-lister’s and girls who get paid for sex.


• You actively encourage chicks to dress like whores... Then criticise them for it later.


• Your idea of Hip Hop is Nelly, 50Cent or Twista. In fact, please kill yourself if this is the case.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne you didn’t buy.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne and the bottle is empty.


• You have pictures of yourself on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace (delete as appropriate) of yourself holding champagne that you had to share with 50 other heads... The whole night.


• You can’t speak, spell, read or write the English language.


• You don’t read.


• You don’t have a job


• You don’t have a legal job.


• You did a BTEC. (Sorry, but no.)


• You fancy Cheryl Cole.


• You attempt to look like (or want to be) Cheryl Cole.


• You have photos of your ‘crew’ and you are above the age of 21.


• You think you're an ‘MC’ or ‘Rapper’ and you haven’t broken into the industry... And you're over the age of 30... Or nearing it.


• Your idea of a film is ‘The Fast and the Furious’.


• You rent cars and pretend they belong to you.


• You rent cars and pretend they belong to you... By posting pictures of you and the car on Facebook/ Twitter/ Myspace. (Delete as appropriate.)


• You don’t like Big Pun.


• You don’t know who Big Pun is.


• You and your friends go out in matching outfits.


• You have 300 hundred contacts on your BBM (Please refer to ‘It’s not that season’ for a more accurate analogy.)


• You go to ‘City Raves’ on a weekly basis.


• You don’t go to the gym.


• You have baby-momma [or mummy] issues.


• You get elaborate shape-up... with patterns and shit... stop it right now.


• You think Lyle and Scott is ok. I assure you, it’s not.


• You go to Ayia Napa on the regs. (Again refer to ‘It’s not that season’)


• You think Nandos is an appropriate first date location.


• You think your house is an appropriate first date location.

Ms.BF’s word: Don’t chat to me if... You think reality TV is entertaining in a non-ironic way.

LADIES: Keep this list easily accessible at all times and NEVER stray or be tempted to make an exception.

That is all.

She-ra the Great.